Austin Scholar #17: How You Should Respond If Your Teen Comes Out
For Pride Month
Hey, y'all!
While I adore Pride month and all the love that comes with it, I know how hard June can be for people who haven't yet come out. It used to be awful for one of my best friends – one of the most wonderful people I have ever met.
Over the past couple of years, they've become unapologetically themselves. But when I met them in 2020, they were unable to look in a mirror because of how horrible their body made them feel.
But I’m getting a little ahead of myself.
This week from Austin Scholar...
My (very positive!) experience coming out
How you should respond if your teen comes out
Scholar’s Sources: Information for LGBTQ+ families
So I’ve had a super busy week. My hair is now purple, I took two math finals, and I had my first week working at Write of Passage.
The thing no one tells you about working remotely is how scary it is to log in your hours. Are they going to think it’s bad that I spent two hours on this? Are they going to think I’m not putting enough time in? I’m getting paid actual money! What do I do?
Yeah, I had an interesting week.
But I’m seriously super grateful to be a part of the Write of Passage team and excited to show y’all my journey at my first job :)
My (Very Positive!) Experience Coming Out
I grew up hearing stories about my aunt who got kicked out of the family because she was gay.
I was in first grade when I asked my parents if my best friend and I could get married, as little kids do. They laughed it off and told me it was illegal.
I went to a Texan Catholic school for six years, so I didn't really think that being gay was an actual thing that existed.
And then.
And then, when I was fourteen years old and mad at my parents and on a journey of 'self-exploration,' I met this girl. She was soft-spoken and kind and held my hand after I cried and I thought she was the prettiest person I’d ever seen.
I had a crush on a girl.
Following that realization, some stuff about me made sense. Example: my adoration of Hermione Granger, or even my obsession with K.C. Undercover.
Over the next few days, I attempted to gauge my parents’ acceptance level. Is this a “kicked out of the family like your aunt” issue? Or is it a “let’s go to pride together” situation?
“Wow, the main character, the female main character, is so pretty and cool!”
“Look at these really cool articles, dad, about GSA in schools!”
Yeah, not very subtle.
It only took a few days before my dad stopped dancing around the issue. We went on a walk together and he pretty much asked me straight up: “Are you gay?”
For some reason, even after all of the ‘hints’ I had been dropping, actually admitting it was kind of scary, so I just nodded at him.
“Alright,” my dad said, “I’m super sorry for assuming that you liked boys. The same thing still applies: You deserve to date a girl as wonderful as yourself.”
He hugged me and we went back home, my ‘coming out story’ complete.
Now, my dad and I might’ve had our arguments, but I’m so grateful that this wasn’t one of them. My dad made me feel loved and accepted and cared for. To this day, my parents are still the second people I go to with girl problems (my sister is first, of course).
Because of how fabulously my parents handled my coming out, I feel really safe talking to them about relationship stuff, and honestly, I want to tell them about my crush on this girl I met in Madrid, because I know I will be welcomed with love, compassion, and of course, a few jokes about my “friend.”
How You Should Respond If Your Teen Comes Out
Back to my lovely Californian friend. Let’s call them C.
When they came out as non-binary to their parents in 2019, their parents laughed and told them that they would grow out of it.
But C didn’t “grow out of it.” They spent years in a spiral of self-hatred because of their long hair, the name that they didn’t pick, and the body they didn’t want. And because C didn’t want to be rejected by their parents again, C didn’t say anything to their parents. Instead, C hurt themselves with unsafe chest binding – restricting their breathing and leaving them in immense physical pain. They hated themselves because of their body.