Austin Scholar #44: From Perfectionist to Perfector–Teaching Kids the Power of Continuous Improvement

& My Journey To Overcoming the Curse of Perfectionism

Hey, y'all!

Driven teenagers are always pushing themselves to do well.

We strive for higher scores, better performance, and stronger outcomes. We strive for perfection.

But what if we're doing it all wrong? What if the path to improvement isn't actually through perfection, but through failure?

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

This week from Austin Scholar...

1. Austin’s Anecdote: My Journey To Overcoming the Curse of Perfectionism

2. From Perfectionist to Perfector: Teaching Kids the Power of Continuous Improvement

3. Scholar’s Sources: Parent Perspectives and Resources for Helping Kids Fail

It’s time for winter break!! I’m insanely excited to take these next two weeks to do a complete reset–both academically and personally. I love using this halfway point in the school year to assess where I am in every subject, to see if I’m on track to meet my goals, and to plan out the rest of the year. Of course, I will also be doing this with my newsletter and Twitter. 

And for the personal aspect, I’m going to get my nails done, binge-watch a TV show, and clean my room. All very productive :) 

Stay tuned for next week’s newsletter on reviewing and resetting for the new year.

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Austin’s Anecdote: My Journey To Overcoming the Curse of Perfectionism

Perfectionism runs deep in my veins.

I've grown up around the idea that anything less than 100% or "the best" is a failure. Starting in elementary school, I was compared to the best person in every subject or field–by both my parents and myself. I felt like I had to be perfect in every aspect of my life just to be adequate.

I had to be the best sister, daughter, math student, reader, and athlete–all the time.

I'm not sure when this mindset started, but it became extremely clear in 6th grade.

For context, my dad created the Apple Watch Challenge (check out Austin Scholar #9: The Accounting Disaster of Sixth Grade for the full story). One of the requirements for earning an Apple Watch was to get an A in a college accounting class.

For eleven-year-old me, this seemed impossible.

I didn't know anything about college or accounting or money.

But I accepted the challenge.

For months, I obsessed over getting an A. I might not have known about balance sheets, but I certainly knew how grades worked.

But I failed my first few assignments. Then I failed my very first college exam. I was putting in the maximum amount of effort I could, working for over ten hours every weekend, but the subject matter was still confusing. I just didn't know enough about money to catch on quickly. I was putting in the maximum amount of effort I could, working for over ten hours every weekend, but it just didn't work out.

Eventually, I started to get the hang of it and managed to crush my later assignments. I even got an A on my final exam.

But those scores weren't enough to make up for my poor performance in the beginning. I ended up with a B.

And wow, was I mad at myself. I looked back at my old homework assignments and spent hours beating myself up for getting questions wrong.

Which was so horribly unreasonable.

In 6th grade, I stretched myself and worked harder than I had in my life to get a B in a college class. That's pretty freaking impressive.

But it wasn't an A, so I wasn't satisfied.

And the perfectionism only got worse from there.

I created a list of things that I had to get done every day in order to have a "perfectly productive" day.

It was a pretty absurd list of expectations.

I had to do at least two hours of math, exercise for thirty minutes, get breakfast for my sister, finish my other non-math academic goals, Alpha workshop homework, and more.

If I didn't check every box at the end of the day, I felt like a failure, even if I’d otherwise been productive.

This all culminated in me constantly feeling like I wasn't good enough.

Every time I didn't get a perfect score on a test or I answered a question wrong on an assignment, I felt pieces of my soul break apart.

My perfectionism created some Twisty Thoughts I had to learn how to unwind.

I had to learn that even if I wasn't perfect, my best is all I can do. Not meeting my goals one day or doing poorly on a test isn't a reflection of who I am as a person. I had to learn how to be proud–or even just okay–with myself as long as I put my best foot forward.

It's not that I started setting easier goals or that I don't strive to get 5s on my APs.

My life just isn't ruined if I fall short.

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From Perfectionist to Perfector: Teaching Kids the Power of Continuous Improvement

In recent years, there's been an increasingly negative connotation to perfection, but I believe we're just thinking about it incorrectly.

I think the core lesson I've learned through my own journey is that striving for perfection isn't a bad thing, but obsessing over it is. It's important to teach kids the difference between the two and help them focus on continuous improvement–rather than fixating on never failing.

There are two pieces to doing this:

1. Reframing Perfection

2. Responding to Imperfection

Let me explain.