Austin Scholar #64: Bad test score, or the end of the world?
& the best way to support your teen’s test stress
Hey, y'all!
This week from Austin Scholar...
Bad test score, or the end of the world?
The best way to support your teen’s test stress
Scholar’s Sources: My favorite options for when things “go wrong”
I finished my fourth and final AP of the year on Thursday. It’s been three weeks of intense academic focus, high levels of anxiety, and late study nights, but I’m finally done. I spent all of Friday relaxing and resetting so I can crush my last few weeks of school.
I’ve also been reflecting a lot on how test stress has been affecting me, which is what I’m going to write about today.
Bad test score, or the end of the world?
Most parents think their kids’ test stress is just about the scores..
But the truth is–to high school students, a single bad test score can change their entire life.
They’re not just being dramatic. It actually feels catastrophic.
Here are a few of the most common thoughts that kids can have before taking a big test (like the AP):
If I don’t get a good score…
I won’t be able to go to the college I want
I won’t be able to major in the subject I want
I’m not smart enough
My parents will be mad at me
My friends will think I’m stupid
It will mean there’s something wrong with me (because my friend or sibling got a good score)
My life will be ruined
It’s a lot more narratives than simply “I won’t get a good score.”
It’s the fear of what happens after they get their score that causes the stomach-turning, insomnia-inducing, utterly crippling anxiety.
It doesn’t matter how false these statements are–or what evidence exists to the contrary. These big test scores can change a kid’s perception of themselves: “If I don’t get a good score on AP Language, it will mean I’m a bad writer. I’ll have to give up my dream of majoring in English.”
The biggest fear, though (at least for me), is that “I’m going to disappoint my parents if I get a bad score.”
And, obviously, that’s a really hard one for parents to help their kids with.
Just saying “I promise I won’t be disappointed in you!” really isn’t going to help. It will just feel insincere. Your kid won’t trust that you mean it.
So, how can you help with the stress?
Well, the two most common responses that parents have during AP week (“Don’t stress–you’ll be fine” and “Make sure you study really hard before your test so you can get a good score”) are both counterproductive.
They contradict each other when used in tandem: telling them to just work harder (they’re trying!!), or telling them that they don’t have to get a good score anyway–so why bother studying? And neither one is very helpful.
The best ways to support your teen’s test stress
Really, the best support is somewhere in the middle of these two things. And ideally, you want to show your kid how much you support them, not just tell them.
Basically, you want to communicate to your kid: “make sure you’re prepared, but also make sure you take care of yourself. And, no matter what happens, we’ve got this.”
Support can be about being in your kid’s cheerleader: “Come study at the kitchen counter and I’ll work with you until 8:00, but after eight you should go to bed because sleep is more important than that extra hour of cramming.”
Support can also be about helping your kid put things into perspective. Bad scores are uncomfortable, but there are always other options: “Okay, you’re a sophomore. If you take your AP test and you don’t get the score you wanted, you can take it again next year. You don’t even have to retake the whole class. We’ll just buy the Princeton Review book and you can use it to study on your own and take the test again next spring.
And, if you’re a junior or a senior (or simply can’t retake the test), you can always take online college credits to supplement a not-great score. There are other paths besides this one test score.”
Give your kid options, but don’t minimize that it’s an important test. It is, after all, a culmination of everything they’ve learned this year.
If you tell them not to worry about it because it’s not an important test, it feels like you don’t get all the work they put in.
Instead, acknowledge what they’re feeling–“yes, this is a big, hard, important test and I understand that you’re stressed, but we can still move forward it if it doesn’t go well.”
“Yes, it’s easier to get a good score the first time, but every problem is solvable.”
You’re helping soothe your kid’s fears, but you’re also teaching them how to think about problems and find options when issues arise.
Which is a life skill that goes way beyond taking tests.