Austin Scholar #91: How to have great conversations over the holidays
& how I (an introvert) learned to talk to people
Hey, y'all!
This week from Austin Scholar...
Austin’s Anecdote: How I (an introvert) learned to talk to people
How to have great conversations over the holidays
Scholar’s Sources: What I’ve been reading
Happy Thanksgiving!!
Parents: one of the biggest causes of poor mental health in kids is that they don’t feel gratitude. Expressing gratitude and feeling grateful is an easy key to feeling happy. My Thanksgiving newsletter from last year goes into this in depth. Definitely check it out if you want more grateful (and happier) kids.
Not a day goes by that I am not so incredibly grateful for each and every one of you – and Thanksgiving is the perfect time to make sure y’all know that. I wouldn’t be where I am today without you and I can’t wait to continue writing for you as we get closer to 2024 (What?!). I hope you had a great holiday week and that you ate lots of good food :)
Austin’s Anecdote: How I (an introvert) learned to talk to people
I am an introvert. Probably one of the introvert-iest introverts you will ever meet.
As much as I love writing and creating beautiful, sophisticated, logical stories with my words, nothing seems to come out right when I actually try to speak. A lot of social situations confuse me and it’s hard for me to stay close friends with people because I don’t want to hang out with them as often as they feel like we should.
And it’s definitely not because I don’t love them, it’s just that it’s hard for me to go out to dinner after a long day, when all I want to do is turn off all of my lights and hide under my covers until the morning.
I have to work myself up for “official” conversations (like when people reach out asking for my help, or when I need help, or pretty much any discussion scheduled on my calendar) and I pretty much always feel incredibly drained after them. My social battery dies fast, but I’ve learned how to plaster on a smile and keep standing straight.
Sometimes I’ll hide in a restaurant’s bathroom for a few minutes to recharge, and other times I need a full four hours of watching reality TV before I can talk to people again.
And when it comes time to talk to people I don’t know very well, I just can’t seem to get the right words out. When one of my mom’s friends sees me (which is more often than you might think – I’m pretty sure my mom knows everyone in Austin), I kind of awkwardly stand and wave and say “oh of course!” when they ask if I remember who they are. (I don’t.)
I’ve always been jealous of my sister, to whom conversation seems to come naturally. She knows what part of someone’s outfit to compliment and she can match their energy perfectly.
She’s a great conversationalist. I wanted to be too.
But that’s the thing about being such an introvert – I needed to practice.
So, I started to rehearse in the mirror how I introduce myself, went through my talking points before those “official” conversations, and watched Survivor to learn about talking to strangers from the world’s biggest social experiment. Of course, conversations are never going to be natural for me, and I’ll always need some time after to recharge. But I can feel better about those conversations. I can improve my “talking to people” skills.
And honestly, when’s a better time to practice conversations than Thanksgiving?
How to have great conversations over the holidays
Ahh, yes. Thanksgiving. The wonderful time of year when you have to spend an hours-long meal talking to relatives you haven’t seen for a whole year. It may be awkward, yes, but it’s also the perfect testing ground (battleground?) to practice talking to people.
Now, remember those equations I love so much? Well, I’ve made one for how to talk to people during Thanksgiving (honestly, it works for how to talk to people in general, but it’s especially helpful when you’re trapped at a table during the holidays). And for someone to whom having conversations doesn’t come naturally, having an equation makes it much easier to map out what doesn’t exactly feel intuitive.
The goal of this equation, and of the conversation, is to make people feel like you care about what they’re saying. If you learn how to do that, you’ll become everyone’s favorite cousin, niece, nephew, or grandchild :)
(Which is always the goal.)