Austin Scholar #109: Advice for growing up
& turning 18
Hey, y'all!
Yesterday was my 18th birthday! It truly seems like yesterday when I was fifteen years old and getting kicked off Substack for being too young. I’m honored that you have all watched me grow up these past few years, and to celebrate that, I’ve compiled a list filled with my advice for growing up.
This is both for teens and for parents supporting their teens – so this is a good one to forward to your kid.
(I hope y’all will still read my writing even though I’m now an adult :) )
Advice for growing up
Enjoy being young
So many kids want to grow up too fast. They don’t realize how much value comes from being young.
There’s so much.
Not only do kids have time to experiment and do whatever they want to, but they’re in a controlled environment – with controlled consequences. Failing to pay your parents back for their investment in your small business might just result in no allowance for a few weeks, not actual debt.
Being a kid means being able to take risks. Parents: make sure to support your kid in their experimentation.
Also, successful people want to help ambitious kids – and will disproportionately invest in them. Help your kid get connections and mentorship while they’re young.
Finally, it’s fun to be a kid. You get to run around, play imaginary games, build forts and castles, become a princess, and travel to Narnia. Help your kid hold onto their childlike innocence for as long as they can.
Learn how to learn
Knowing how to learn is the most valuable skill I have. It allows me to know how to solve any problem on my own and do whatever it is I wish to.
Start helping your kid practice with simple things. If they’re stuck on a homework assignment, show them how to use Google, YouTube, Khan Academy, or ChatGPT to find the answer. Have them use online apps to learn academics on their own.
Show them how to create a learning plan so they can master any concept they want to.
Use YouTube or Coursera to learn new topics. Encourage them to go to the library and find as many books on a concept as they can.
Once they’ve learned how to learn, they can start following their obsessions (whether it’s Shopkins, the Kardashians, the Texas Rangers, World War II, or literally anything else) and becoming an expert.
Once they build confidence and expertise in a topic, they can become their own Sheep God.
Do hard things
Seek out challenges. Do things you don’t think are possible.
Kids are capable of doing so much more than people think – they just need a chance to prove it.
The first step? Having someone who believes in them. You, as their parent, have to raise your kid’s standards and make sure they know they always have your full support.
If they mention wanting to take a college class in middle school? Sign them up.
If they want to start a bracelet-making business? Be their investor.
Make sure your kid knows they’re limitless.
Practice failing
Failing hurts. It’s hard. Most people avoid it. And that’s a problem.
It’s totally fine to cry and scream for a little bit, but then you have to get back on your feet and start problem-solving. That skill comes with practice.
Parents, it’s your job to show your kid how to fail. Do this in two ways: one, talk through your own failures and how you handled them, and two, create scenarios for your kid to safely fail.
This can be anything from setting some stretch academic goals to participating in extracurricular contests. Challenge your kids to enter a bunch of scenarios where success isn’t guaranteed. Of course, you should encourage them through the process, but don’t treat failure as a bad thing.
Show them how to start problem-solving. Ask them – what can you do differently next time? What resources can you use to learn more? How can you stay on track with your overall goals?
Surround them with love and assure them they don’t have to be scared to fail – that you won’t love them any less. Show them how to come back stronger.
Practice receiving feedback
Knowing how to receive feedback is such a powerful tool. But it’s so hard to learn.
For most kids (and adults!), feedback feels like an attack that they have to shield themselves from. In reality, feedback is a chance to improve – to change for the better. Understanding that comes with practice.
Start by encouraging your kid to seek out feedback – to ask their teacher about an assignment or their coach for more help. When this gets familiar, they can start asking other people (friends’ parents, Reddit, etc.) for advice on projects or ideas they have. Make sure you frame it in a light, non-threatening manner and reward them afterward.
And remember, a big part of helping your kid learn how to receive feedback is to model it for them.
If they see you completely rejecting feedback and getting mad at whoever is giving the feedback, they’ll think that’s the way to react. You have to be the first one to take feedback with grace, to be grateful for the feedback and work to make changes.
Say, for example, your kid tells you that the way you spoke to them hurt their feelings. Instead of shifting the blame (I was running late, I don’t like repeating myself, etc.), take responsibility and thank them for the feedback. (Of course, I’m sorry, thank you for telling me.)
Situations like that may seem small and inconsequential, but they can compound and completely shape how your kid views feedback.
Learn how to communicate as a family
I cannot emphasize enough how important this is. Effective communication looks different for every single person, so you will have to work together to figure out what works best.
Some examples:
Write down the stuff that’s hard to talk about – text and email each other instead of talking face-to-face
Set specific times throughout the week or during the day when you can talk about more challenging topics
Do “daily reviews” where you all go through your day and explain what happened and where you could improve
Send articles, posts, or texts throughout the day when you don’t see each other so they know you’re still thinking of them
Read the same books or watch the same TV shows to always have something to talk about
Overall, the goal is to learn to talk to each other in a way that makes everyone feel loved, supported, and heard. By spending the extra time figuring this out, it’ll be faster and easier to have hard conversations and truly get to know each other.
Identify your values – and live by them
Taking the time to identify your values can absolutely change your life – you can decide what to spend more time and effort working on, and what to set to the side. You can set more ambitious goals in areas that align with your values so you’re working toward a fulfilling, values-driven life.
It can be hard for kids to know what a “value” is and what theirs are, so here’s an exercise that can help them:
Have your kid identify four to six aspects of their life that are important to them, such as spending time with loved ones, pursuing passions, staying active, and academic achievements.
Then, have them assign a percentage to each aspect to show how much value it holds in their life (until all the values together add up to 100%).
The larger the percentage, the more significant that aspect is. Once they’ve assigned percentages, they can draw out their pie chart.
Here’s what mine looks like:
If their day-to-day lifestyle isn’t supporting this pie chart, then maybe something needs to change.
You’re never done growing up
I’m eighteen years old and I feel like I’m only just waking up. I feel like I might be a new person every week and I see myself grow and change every time I sit down to write this newsletter.
Yes, I might be an “adult” now (and have to make my own doctor’s appointments and sign my own waivers at the ice rink), but I’m not “grown up.” I’m only just starting to see my potential – who I have the ability to become.
But I still need more time and more experience. I think I’ll always feel that way.
I’m eighteen years old and I’m proud of who I am – and I can’t wait to see the person I’m going to become.
Thanks for reading. Go crush the week! See y'all on Sunday.